do you remember any of the new year's resolutions i ever made?

written (but not posted) january first, two thousand and twenty two

me neither...

i remember sitting at kitchen tables and scrawling out empty plans in long lists, but i don't think i ever accomplished any. corrine and i used to make lists together. resolutions, trips we wanted to take, silly photo shoots we wanted to have. we had aspirations and enough energy to try to make them happen.

i don't have that energy this year (thanks to you, talula... oh yeah, and getting old...) but i do have some goals for this year:

1. move on from emily.  
   finish the divorce, sell the house, move to LI to be near my amazing family.
2. be more honest.
   no sense lying anymore... plus my filter is gone, so not a lot of options!
3. make things and finish what i've started.
   from weaving to music and websites – make like i used to, when inspiration flowed so freely.
4. just keep going.
   simply, keep living, keep growing and don't hold yourself back.
   
   my mom and i were talking about the people and ideas we've let hold us back in the past. no more. i will go for what i want and honor my needs first. i will not play second fiddle again by giving all my time and energy into making someone else's dreams come true. i'm the lead in my own story.

2 years later: january first, two thousand and twenty four

did i accomplish any of this?

1. yes!
   i moved to long island in may of 2022, the house sold and the divorce was finalized a few months later.
2. yes!
   the broken filter has helped here for sure, but more than that -- i feel more confident in who i am, what i'm about and how i want to behave.
3. sort of?
   still many 'works in progress', but i do still intend to finish them. the music is slipping away, but the websites and weavings have been coming along and i'm making consistent progress.
4. sort of!
   i did put mom's needs above mine this year and focussed a lot of my energy on her new website and business. but, it was not at my own expense – i am involved in the business, too and it has been an amazing growth opportunity for me. two years ago, i would have fought with her on several business decisions (like pricing). but i didn't. i told her the lead was hers and she was the final decision-maker. she took that lead, i kept my mouth shut, we did great and we're on track for a great season next year.

after two years of living and growing with purpose, i'm feel like i'm able to approach life from a place of love instead of fear. which feels like huge progress. this year, i'm going to skip the new resolutions/goals, honor that progress and just keep going.

hearts.
.a